It was today I realized I am in
love. It was quite a shocking revelation to me. I looked at the mirror and
smiled. My braces shined brightly amidst the row of teeth. For a second I
thought I was blushing or was it the mere thought of him tickling my senses. I
took hold of my school bag and walked towards bus stop walking past his home. Didn’t
have the courage to peep inside though. My bus will take another fifteen
minutes to come but I wanted to be there before he crosses the street.
I could see the bus coming from
distant but no trace of him. I gazed at my watch impatiently for the umpteenth
time; maybe he is taking a day off. Felt so depressed. This is the first time my
teenage mind was drifting towards someone and didn’t want to end up hurt so
soon. Just then, he crossed the road in his bicycle. Oblivious to me standing
and gaping at him, he went in a hurry. My bus has reached the stop and I got
in. Yes, I am in love. I wish I could sing.
Whole day in class I thought about
him. There were not many memories or incidents though. A few sweet
memories tucked neatly inside my mind which strew a fragrance each time I
thought about him. During lunch time I talked to my friends about him. It was nothing
special; but casual things where I could include what he said and what he did
in a way that nobody noticed my growing feelings for him. I muttered his name
many times and even dared to imagine it next to mine. I dreamt about him during
most of the classes.
In the evening while going past his
house my heart raced; but what if he doesn’t feel the same. I was confused and
scared like anyone who is a novice in matters concerned with heart. I couldn’t wait
to just have a glimpse of him but was unlucky that evening. That evening, for
the first time in my life, I realized that watching TV was less exciting than
simply dreaming about him.
I wrapped up the day and hurriedly
finished dinner so that I can lie in the bed and think about him. The whole
night I dreamt of him. And interestingly in most of the dreams he was holding
me. Every morning I woke up wishing that the dream would come true but knew it
deep down that there were very less chances.
Today I told my best friend about
him. Again just casually mentioning something; not letting her know my love for
him. But she sensed it somehow and started teasing me. I blushed and was
overjoyed. When I was back at home, I stood in front of mirror for hours
smiling at myself. I had always kept my ears open for the sound of his bike.
Then when he comes over, I would casually go near him and ask some random
things. My love for him was slopping out but I was keen on not making it
obvious.
It has been a year since I am
carrying deep sincere feeling towards him and I have been successful so far
concealing it. Today I went to temple and for the first time prayed that he
should marry me. It was in fact stupid to even think about marriage when I was
still in my teens. But I was sure about what I wanted. I wanted him to tie the
knot, to marry me. I wanted him to be the dad of my kids. I wanted him to love me
till I die. I closed my eyes and prayed to god with my all heart.
And god just
listened to it.
- Jane Doe
- Jane Doe
