I knew this was going to end sooner or later. When we
started off five years back, we wouldn’t have never ever dreamt of such a
phase. We victoriously came out of the three year itch in flying colors. We told
each other ‘our relationship is made in heaven, nothing can separate us’. And
we believed it. But things went under a gray shade soon.
Is it my fault or yours? I still don’t know. Initially there
were those days when I knew everything in his life. Everything as in anything from
a sneeze or cough to exams or fight with friends. Our life was much simpler
then. Then we went through the trauma of long distance relationships. Thanks to
mobile phone, pair sims and cheap rates. We were just a SMS away from each
other.
But then when did everything change? You started having your
life and I started cribbing for more time for me. I stopped loving and began to
stalk you. Then it was the fight for getting more personal space. Personal
space where we no longer knew what other was doing. I would go for a movie with
friends when you must be holidaying at some beach. I would text you ‘how is
your day?’ for which you would reply ‘great. Hope you are fine too’. And we wouldn’t
even bother to tell where were we or with whom. Now that was the personal
space we needed.
When friends ask, ‘Are you still going out with him?’ I
would roll my eyes and say ‘Of course, we are’ and then think for myself. Are we??
When we talk it would end up in fights and tears almost always. So we decided
not to talk often. Or even if we talk, that would revolve around general
topics. There was no trace of sweet talks. There were days when you would just
drift off to sleep while I will be blabbering and I would just belittle your promotions
or your sister’s pregnancy news. We could just not stand each other for a few
hours. And at times I wanted to end it badly. As someone once said, ‘a bitter
end is better than never ending bitterness’. But being the self centered person
I am, I didn’t want to take the first plunge. I think you knew it too.
“I don’t think this relationship is going any far”, you
messaged me after a long fight.
“Yes, me too”, I replied. Just want to end this asap.
“I think we need to break up. My parents will never agree to
this. But that is not the reason I am breaking up”, you messaged after a long pause.
I knew this was coming. Or was I expecting it badly. What if
his parents don’t agree? I don’t care anymore. And you are telling that’s not
the reason. Hell, I just want to end this. I don’t need any reason. I am ok
with this.
“Okay”! That must be the worst break up line ever. I didn't ask him the reason. But I didn’t
regret. But deep inside, I saw his image fading off. His firm grasps loosing
it grip. His half moon nails and rough palms leaving my hands forever. I felt
a scorching pain. I expected relief but what am I getting? A tear drop fell
from my eyes.
And it ended.
- Jane Doe
P.S. After 7 months of torture, we got back together. Breaking
up with him was the worst thing I ever did. And I can’t believe I was such a fool to let
him go off my hands. But then break up made me realize that there is none who
will ever love me as much as he does.
