Where Were We?

Seven and counting has not gone into the ashes! We have been absconding for a while and after four long months, we are back. As you have guessed, a lot of things have happened in these four months, a lot of surprises and disbelief!

Let me start from where I stopped last time. Just when I was so upset and disappointed of our pro-creational talents, one fine Sunday evening me and John found out that we are pregnant! We were shocked; you know that feeling when something we crave for happens but we pinch ourselves to check if its true. We were exactly in that mindset. I couldn't believe my eyes, those two pink lines were magical. I even took that stick with my pee on it to my friend to recheck! Yes, it was there, two pink lines!

The very next day, I quit my job and sent my resignation letter happily. Weekend visit to the doctor confirmed our doubts and we were on cloud nine or ten, really can't remember. Then there were those nail-biting days to confirm the growth of our baby. And finally, on February 23 we heard that super-fast-paced heartbeat. And tiny of flicker of life inside me. John almost had a wheezing attack waiting for the results. I didn't have any morning sickness and that made me gulp anything and everything edible. Sometimes I couldn't believe that I was actually pregnant for it was too good to be true. And then the next scan showed us the tiny body with hands, feet, and stomach. My mom stayed with me on and off to satisfy the glutton in me. We decided to send a letter to John’s parents with this fantastic news. I was due on Oct 2, on Gandhi Jayanti day.

But, life cannot be that simple, right? Or at least not that simple for us. On March 26, at around 4 in the morning I woke up with a jerk. I was bleeding. We reached hospital in no time and I was taken into labor room. I could hear the feeble cry of a baby who was born just minutes ago. And then, I realized that our baby will never come to our lives. Doctors and nurses rushed in and within ten minutes I had needles pricking all over my hands.

“Sorry, its going towards a miscarriage”, our doctor said with helplessness and grief. She looked at me to console and held my hand. I lay still accepting the reality and thinking how John will take this news. I wanted to see him so badly. But he was waiting for me to come out with a smile saying it was nothing and that our baby was alright. That would never happen.

When I woke up from sedation, I was cleaned and wiped off of all traces of pregnancy. I was there just like how I was three months back. All the while a song was playing in my head which I heard the other night. Maybe it was sheer coincidence or maybe it was God’s way of giving me a hint of what would happen next:

“Woh zameen hai pyaar ki, wahan sirf pyaar hai

Mere chaand jaa wahan tera intezaar hai”

P.S.: I could have never come out of this trauma without you! I love you, always, Pappu!

- Jane Doe