Where Is My St. Valentine?

“So what are your plans for Valentines’ day?” I asked to know if this guy had any plans to propose me.

“Nothing much, it’s our college day na? Will spend it in college, tats all”, he said without much fervor.

I was depressed. Oh God, so he is not taking me out. Neither is he gonna propose!

“What about you?” he asked looking at me.

“Nothing”. Did I sound desperate?

We were taking our usual stroll after college on the dusty road leading to my hostel.
It was our first Valentines’ day together - Feb. 14, 2004. Not that we are a couple, but our friends used to mention us as an ‘item’. And I secretly rejoiced it. But as for him, I never know. Sometimes he seemed genuinely into me, but then there are these other days when he would treat me just like a buddy. But I was confident that he loves me at some point but is too meek to admit. I have always given subtle hints hoping that he will surely reciprocate. 

This Valentines’ day was special for me. I was pretty sure that something romantic is going to happen. Maybe he is planning for a surprise. Wow! I am excited now.

Its red everywhere and here comes the Valentines’ day! And it’s our college day. I was wearing a sari for the first time in my life and being the paranoid; I nagged and made life hell for everyone around. This day was special since he is going to see me in a sari and above all, will propose me. I checked myself in the mirror for the umpteenth time. Yes, am all set for the d-day!

I saw him from a distance and noticed that he too was looking at me. While I was all ears for compliments, he simply said a ‘hi’ and walked forward. Now, that was so rude, I thought. Sitting next to him in the crowded auditorium, all I could hear was my heart going thud, thud! ‘Wada raha pyar se pyar ka...’ someone was singing. This is the perfect moment, I felt.

Just then, he turned towards me. Yes, it is coming.

“Do you remember J? She was my classmate in plus two”, he asked. It was like a blow on my face.

Of course I remember her. She was his first crush. How can I forget my opponent?

“Hmm.. which one? The one you have had a crush on?” I replied coldly.

“Yes, yes, the same”, he smiled. Did he just blush? “I am planning to call her today”.

Well, this is the perfect Valentines’ day one can get. Why he has to call her today? Does he still have feelings for her? Thousand doubts attacked me.

“Why all of a sudden? Going to propose?” My voice was already shaking.

“No, no. Just like that. It’s been a long time, so thought I will call today”. He looked away.

I could feel my eyes moisten and I had lumps in my throat. I knew today was not my day. That St. Valentine hasn’t showered his blessings on me yet. At night, the hostel was brimming with gifts and stories of that day. I silently hugged my pillow and wet it with my tears.

***

Feb14, 2005: Months later St. Valentine visited me. He finally proposed me on the chilly night of 2004, July 4th, This Valentines’ day we are together. No gifts, no surprises. Just both of us. Leaning on his shoulder, holding his arms, I reminisced about last year.

“Why did you bring up J on last year’s Valentines’ day?” I asked, still enjoying the warmth of his shoulder.

“Simply!” he said in his usual cold manner.

“I don’t believe you”, I looked into his face expecting a better explanation.

“Ok, you won’t let this pass unless I give a satisfying reply, alle?” he said with a smile.

“I mentioned her that day just to make you jealous, dumbo! I know it hit the bull’s-eye!” he said with that naughty grin.

- Jane Doe