She: So you are living with your boy friend?
Me: Yeah, since past four months
She: So its like.. you guys are like… husband and wife?
Me: Yes, kinda.. except that we are not legally married….yet.
She: Oh.. but other things.. you know what I mean.. like
husband and wife?
Me: (stabs myself )
I never ever guessed living-in with a partner was so
looked down in a place like Bangalore—This city which is known for its ultra
modern crowd and mixed culture! Back in 2003 while we were doing graduation, I had
lots of friends who used to stay with their boyfriends (Even before co
habitation was legalized). Two of our close friends stayed with their then
girl friends-now wives respectively. And now since they have been promoted into the
status of married couple, I sometimes feel left out.
When I decided to move in with John, it was indeed a tough
decision. My mind played the ‘to be or not to be’ game for a long time. One moment
I will make up my mind to stay back with parents, next second I knew, I can’t
miss him anymore. And after so many
rounds of battling with my thoughts, social stigma, trauma of long distant
relationship; I decided to live-in with him.
There comes the problem of convincing parents. I must say my
parents are not conservative but broad minded in almost all situations. But when it
comes to staying with him before marriage, it was a no-no. So I was left with
just one option—I lied to them. I said I am staying with a friend before
packing my bags. And soon after reaching and getting engaged to John, I confided
the truth in mom. And she being the most understanding person, actually
supported me, to my surprise.
But the worst was yet to come. When I joined the new office,
everyone wanted to know about my whereabouts. “I am staying with my fiancé” was
usually accepted by a ‘Oh!’ ‘Aha?’ and a sheepish grin. It looked all
clandestine from their point of view. And trust me, I felt so awkward. And when
it comes to guys, they took it more awkwardly. They reacted like I had done something
really wrong that I owe them an apology! And then there is this naughty smile, nods
and smirks when I discuss something about John. But as time went by, they got
used to the fact and I am no more a subject of insult.
Luckily, our neighbor is a great woman who seems to be fine
with our co-habitation. She even asks me about our future plans for starting a
family and all with utmost interest. And our house owner? Ah, I really don’t know.
I still can’t decipher her expression even now. She sometimes looks at me scornfully,
sometimes with hatred and sometimes with pity. Anyways, it is so disheartening.
But to be frank, I am really relieved that my mom is with me in spite of all
this.
Coming to the physical relationship part, people are still
skeptical or are they interested? I am confused. I am sure that people imagine
things in the weirdest way; I could find that from their smile and nods. Initially
I used to feel embarrassed and felt like looked down when actually we have our
own decisions regarding love making. Later I realized it’s no sin. And as long as I am with my man, I don't have to be scared of anyone.
Now, it’s just a matter of two weeks and we are going to be man
and wife. Praying so hard for making our dream come true and escape from the scornful
looks thereafter.
